Yoga and the Art of Loving Yourself

After a snowfall, the warmth of this couple's love keeps the cold at bay.

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Earlier this month, I taught a yoga and meditation workshop for the Center for Family Support, a disabilities organization here in NYC. It was part of a series of workshops entitled: Love Yourself: Mind, Body, and Spirit. It got me thinking, what does it really mean to "love yourself?" 

I think that beyond the usual extra pampering we might give to ourselves, whether it be a massage, a tasty and nutritious meal, an extra hour of sleep, or any number of things, for yogis and Buddhist meditators, the concept of truly loving yourself lies further and deeper within. 

I got an email from Prajna Studios at Shambhala Publications sharing a free teaching from a Buddhist monk named Phakchok Rimpoche, entitled The Power of Dignity. After listening to it once, it so grabbed my attention that I found myself wanting to listen to it several times more just so I could more fully understand the teaching. What resonated deeply with me was this part of Phakchok Rimpoche's teaching (I've edited for clarity and understanding):

When you don’t have your own dignity, you cannot give respect to others in a way that is fully beneficial to them. If you want to give other people respect; you need to find your own dignity first. Then you will have genuine respect to others. When you have no dignity, you are vulnerable to your own emotions. That’s when you make other people miserable because you are not complete. So awakening dignity is completely not selfish. It’s actually opposite of that. Finding your own dignity is actually beneficial for others, with your family members or others, whoever you meet in your life.

At the beginning of the talk, Phakchok Rimpoche shared how before he started meditating he was so nice and so compassionate towards others. But he felt he lacked a strength, decisiveness, and confidence within. But little by little, his practice led him to uncovering his basic goodness, and with it feelings of wholeness, confidence, and satisfaction.

Shambhala Publications explains the concept of dignity this way:

This concept of dignity is different from what we might assume with a Western understanding and is a core teaching of many wisdom traditions. It is a quality of dignity that is rooted in the knowledge that you are fundamentally good at your core. According to the teachings, the simple fact that you are alive means you carry a wholeness, wisdom, and perfection, and the task of meditation is to uncover this within yourself by working with the patterns of thoughts and emotions that get in the way of this self-knowledge. When you practice returning to this natural dignity again and again, it is possible to develop unwavering joy, confidence, and love for yourself while simultaneously engaging the world with genuine openness and compassion.

I remember watching The Whale and being particularly struck by what Brendan Frasier's character Charlie says at the end. I don't remember it word for word, but basically the last thought he imparts to his daughter before he dies is: Everyone is good!

The main takeaway for me is that it’s important to uncover my own basic goodness first, so that I can cultivate a fuller knowing of my basic dignity. Having done so, I can then meet the challenges that others will inevitably lay in front of me with a fuller kind of compassion and respect. But until I have sufficient confidence in my own basic goodness, I can’t be authentically compassionate and caring towards others. Loving yourself is doing whatever it takes to uncover your basic goodness, even if the quest may appear selfish to others.

This aligns with another teaching of the Buddha, which has always resonated with me: Light your own lamp and the lives of others will be illuminated effortlessly. In other words, before I do the work of helping others, I have to do the important work of transforming my own self first. Otherwise, my work in support of others won’t be as authentic as it could be.

So the Art of Loving Yourself for me means doing the day by day work of seeing the good that is already within me, the seed goodness that has always been a part of me. I don't have to go searching for it outside of myself nor seek external validation of its existence. There's enough drama in the world. I just strive not to add to it in unhelpful ways.

I hope your ongoing yoga and meditation practices can help you uncover your basic goodness, your dignity. And I hope the realizations can give you confidence and satisfaction as you navigate the outer world.

May you be happy, …
May you be healthy, …
May you know your basic goodness, your seed dignity, …
May you Love Yourself in ways that ultimately will benefit all Beings everywhere, including those that exist in Nature.

Aloha and Metta,
Paul Keoni Chun

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While walking near the World Trade Center this past weekend, this mural caught my attention:

I'm sure the wisest yogis amongst us would agree with its message!

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These migratory birds paid us a visit this week at our home in Florida. Nature has me falling in love with it over and over again!